Hi, I’m Pike.

(Hi, Pike)

And I’m scared of dungeons.

[record scratch]

Wait, that Pike?

That Pike who threw herself into any dungeon or raid PUG that came her way during TBC?

That Pike who leveled a druid to max almost entirely through dungeons, mostly before Dungeon Finder even existed?

That Pike who would happily spend three hours in ToC on her hunter and then another three hours healing Ulduar with her druid immediately afterward?

Yes.  That Pike.

I think it started with Cataclysm.  Blizzard did two major things that affected the game for me: They made substantial changes to the way hunters work, and they also decided to make dungeons “hard”.  I think that I probably could have dealt with either of these on their own, but when they were together, it planted a little worm of doubt into my brain.

What if I’m not good at hunters or dungeons anymore?  What if I let everyone down?

I did ultimately do some dungeons, but that little thought didn’t go away, so because endgame was now scary (and also because I wasn’t keen on Cataclysm), I unsubbed.

I gave it all another try for Mists of Pandaria.  After greatly enjoying the leveling process, I told myself that this time I’m going to do it.  I’m going to get back into endgame.  And I’m going to love it, just like before.

Unfortunately a couple of bad groups and douchecanoes had me convinced I was terrible at hunters and at dungeons, and because the only other real thing that MoP had to offer at the time was an endless stream of dailies I quietly left the game.  Again.

And so here we are.  In WoD.  The itch, of course, is back, like it always is.  Oh, how I secretly long to spend the day in LFG doing endless heroics, or spend hours butting heads against a tough boss in a (real live!) raid.  But instead, I’m tip-toeing into normals maybe once a week when I summon up the courage, despite being overgeared and having a Gold in Proving Grounds and all that stuff.

“Why don’t you find nice people to play with, Pike?  A really nice guild or something?” I’m sure you’re asking.  And, you know, I’ve thought about it.  But because of my work schedule I’m tucking myself into bed right about when the rest of the United States is getting home from work and logging in.  I don’t think it would be impossible to find a nice guild that raids at 1:00pm.  But it might be a bit of a serious hunt.

So now what?

Well, right now I’m determined not to let this beat me three expacs in a row.  How?  Well, uh, I’m not sure yet.  You see, there will be people involved.  And the possibility of failure.  And instances that I haven’t done before.  This is all very scary to me.  But you’ve gotta confront your fears head on, right?

So yeah.  That’s my confession for the day.  Embarrassing?  Maybe a little.  I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life, and seeing it creep into video games – my favorite hobby – is never fun for me.  But maybe this post can help others who feel similarly – at least to know that they’re not alone!