Couples who play WoW together is not an uncommon thing. I can think of at least a few in every guild I’ve been in thus far, and the combinations I’ve encountered are endless: married couples, engaged couples, boyfriend/girlfriend, boyfriend/boyfriend, couples who actually met each other in game, couples who play on entirely different factions and servers from each other… yeah, I can think of good friends who fall into each of those categories.
Still, not everyone who is currently involved in a relationship has a significant other who plays, and I’ve seen various opinions on this ranging from “Aaagh I wish my girlfriend played!” to “I’m so glad my boyfriend doesn’t play!” and everything in between. What’s it really like, though?
Well obviously this differs from couple to couple, but lemme tell you my story and what I’ve learned.
As of this fall, The Boy and I will have been together for five years. …huh. Now that I think about it we started dating the month WoW came out. o.O Anyways, neither of played at first. Most of our friends did, though, and eventually one of them talked us into trying it out a couple years later. Thus it was that we began our journeys through Azeroth on the same day. Those were the days. Once we figured out how to be in the same area as each other, we started questing together frequently, although we played by ourselves as well. By the time we hit level 45ish we’d encountered most of the little group of people that would become our collective friends-base, and we started doing instances and stuff too.
I got to level 58 before he did, but waited several hours to go through the Dark Portal so the two of us could go through it together. I also hit 70 a few days before he did– though he would riposte several months later by getting to 80 a few days before me (it’s not my fault I can’t do what he does and scoop up every quest in the zone and do them all and turn them all in within a few hours /grumble).
We’ve done a lot together; raiding, heroics, several quests, the occasional battleground. Until recently we were always in the same guild. Suffice to say, we’ve shared a lot of experiences in this game.
It has, of course, not always been a bed of roses. Let’s talk about scheduling issues, for one. I mostly work afternoons and evenings at the moment, whereas The Boy attends school and does his equivalent stuff during the day. It’s difficult enough to sneak in time with each other with that sort of schedule, but let me take you back to a rather unpleasant period earlier this year where we were raiding on different nights. He was raiding Naxx on Saturday because that was the best time for him, but I work most Saturdays, so I found myself doing my raiding on Fridays (and occasionally Sundays as well).
While we were both understanding about this issue, it was hard as well. Hard enough that it discouraged me from raiding for a long time, because as much as I love raiding– I didn’t like that I was doing it on one of the rare nights where I could be spending time with The Boy. Ya know?
It didn’t help that The Boy was doing it with all my friends and guildies and they would just breeze right through Naxx in a couple hours, whereas I was doing it with a group of unknown faces and we would struggle on bosses that should’ve been easy. After any of The Boy’s Naxx clears I’d inevitably find out a bunch of hunter gear had dropped. I was super jealous of The Boy at that point, and I think it caused some tension. Oh, don’t get me wrong– I came to really love my impromptu little raid group, and it was quite a rush when our ragtag fellowship finally got to a point where we were breezing through Naxx too, and chalking up a lot of achievements in the process. But in the beginning, it was hard.
Here’s another thing I always say is difficult about having a significant other who plays: Ever had those days where one person just wants to chatter on and on about WoW and the other person… doesn’t? I dunno, I think I’ve been on both sides of that coin– I think the both of us have.
But as difficult as it is sometimes… on the other hand, it’s so nice to have a built-in support system. In a world where only a few people out there would understand all the gaming jargon you’re spewing at them… who else but your best friend and partner to babble it all to? Who else but that shoulder to cry on when your PuG raid is terrible or when there’s weird guild drama going on? Who else to send funny forum links and WoW-related YouTube movies to? Who else to read Warcraft novels with and make horrible jokes with at the expense of various lore characters? Who else isn’t going to inwardly laugh or think you’re crazy when something in game moves you to tears? Who else understands?
Awesome to have that person right there, lemme tell ya. It’s also awesome to have a partner that is willing to try out new things like using this great app-controlled vibrator in the bedroom.
Oh, and honestly, I’m such an addiction-driven soul that without having someone there to balance me out– someone to say “Let’s go watch House” sometimes or recommend me new Star Wars books to read– I’d probably have really crashed and burned in-game by now. I might be raiding more and have shinier gear, but the tradeoff wouldn’t be worth it.
The Boy quit playing WoW a little while ago; his subscription ran out and he hasn’t resubscribed. He may or may not be back. Either way, he lets me go off and feed my hunger for raiding (or alt’ing) when I need to and he is more supportive of my blogging than anyone else I know. Oh, and he laughs at my “What does Kel’Thuzad eat between meals? SNAXX!” joke.
So, while having a significant other who plays is not always as easy and fun as it might look on the outset…
…in the end, it’s worked out pretty well, I think.
DON’T WORRY, I’M NEVER GOING TO BE ALL SAPPY AGAIN! COME BACK! /frantically waves audience back D=
Graph Jam is one of my daily website crawls I do while during the slow mornings at work, and that one kinda panged at my insides a bit. Truth be told, I’m more than a little envious of the people in my guild(s. I have toons in three different ones) that have a significant other that plays with them, because having something you enjoy doing together one of the best parts of being in a relationship, not like my ex-wife and myself in which we had none of the same interests.
I imagine it is difficult to find time to spend outside of game, especially if you both have hectic schedules like your and your Boy, but if you can make it work then you both (I’m speaking in broad terms here) make the relationship that much stronger.
And there’s nothing wrong with being sappy, it is your blog after all =p We’re just along for the ride.
I hear ya. Back in BC, there was quite a bit of tension between my fiance and I, since I was spending a lot of time raiding and he wasn’t really interested in any of that. We had long arguments about which nights I would raid and how long in advance I had to tell him I’d be raiding, balancing spending time with him and keeping promises with my guild.
But eventually we found our balance, I don’t raid any more, but leveling our alts together is a fun way to spend an evening after a long day of work. And he spends his afternoons between classes playing the auction house so we always have plenty of gold for whatever we need ^_^
But having someone right there to share my glee at the new announcements and argue long into the night about their long-term consequences? That’s something I wouldn’t trade for the world.
My wife and I are both alt-aholics, and we’re both realm-aholics too. We sometimes play together (not very often these days) and sometimes play apart.
We both have different play styles and different things that drive us in the game, so we tend to end up in different guilds and doing different things.
She’s a groupy, and I’m a solo. She’s a raid healer, and I’m a twink. She’s a space goat, and I’m an orc. She’s a gold farmer, and I’m wearing really cool looking gear with an empty coin pouch.
But even though we do different things for different reasons, are in different guilds, or even factions, and very frequently on different servers as well, we still both enjoy the game and the fact that the other plays it as well.
One of the guys I went to college with plays a lot while his wife has absolutely no desire to. When we get together to have dinner or something he and I talk about WoW with my wife often joining in, while his wife sits in silence looking for a quiet moment to try to steal the conversation away into some other topic. It works for about 2 minutes, and then we’re back to WoW with her looking for another quiet break to jump in on. We don’t do it to put her out or anything, and we don’t often realize that that’s what we’re doing until the 2nd or 3rd time that it happens, but it’s there.
Luckily they have that worked out and an understanding going on, so there’s no problems where there could be some serious ones otherwise.
So even though they don’t have problems because they talked about it before it became a problem, it still gives me somewhat of an insight into how much it could potentially suck if we didn’t have this in common, and how incredibly cool it is that we actually do instead. We have spend 6 hours on the road talking about nothing but WoW the entire trip, so I know we can both fully nerd out like no other when it comes to WoW, but we also find time to do other things that help kick us back into the realm of reality.
I love that my wife is a gamer, and though she was definitely not an MMO player when we got together and was extremely hesitant when we first started, she eventually opened up to the idea and we’re now having a ton of fun, and doing it together.
/lfg Tank and Heals LF3M of Family Life (Heroic), pst.
It’s advertised, but we’re still waiting on replies for those other three slots. Hopefully the ones that join will be gamers too.
Definitely one of your most endearing articles.
I hear ya pike, me and my girl do not have that part of the relationship down yet. When I do manage to sneak away to the computer to log in, I always feel guilty that I should be spending that time with her. If she hunts me down and finds me in the computer/laundry room i usually immediately log out so that I can give her 110% of my attention.
We married on 7/4/09, the month leading up to that, and basically till this week (school started so the tricycle motors are in bed by 830) i’ve possibly logged a total of 3 hours in game. She’s not a gamer other than playing zuma, (but I still hold out hope that she will break down and try it someday) but, she’s also tired a lot from taking care of our little family unit. I’m still trying to figure out how 1+1=4… but that’s marriage for ya.
BTW.. Love the SNAXX joke.
My better half and I play together, and I dragged her into the game. I’ve been a gamer my entire life, she has not. When I did introduce her to video games, it was via hotseat strategy games (Master of Orion II was the gateway drug for her), but she never played the RPGs with me.
In the time that I was heavily into NWN RP server playing we went through some sort of tense times because I wanted to play all the time and at that point we only have one computer.
After I had been playing WoW for a few months, we got a second PC and we got her the base game. A few weeks later she wanted TBC and on the week of WotLKs release she had me pick up two copies.
Her playing WoW has been a great boon for our relationship (now in it’s 15th year of Her Putting Up With My Crap) and it’s good fun to play together. There are drawbacks of course, but those are very very minor in the grand scheme of things.
Our guild has about 4 couples in it which is nice, and we know another couple in another guild. There’s a great sense of camaraderie in playing together in an MMO.
My husband and I were best friends for a long time before we hooked up and he has been a gamer for a long time, video at first. I’d watch him play all of them (Gods of War and Simpson’s Road Rage were my fave’s). But I never picked up the other control even though he offered… a LOT. I never felt I was any good at them. But I really did enjoy watching him play all those games.
Then he discovered WoW when TBC dropped. He started playing first (of course) and I started watching over his shoulder (of course). It looked amazing; like nothing I had ever seen before (I was so nervous there, on the edge of geekdom–I had a piece of masking tape on my machine reminding me what MMORPG stood for). His first toon was level ten before I jumped in. Same race as his so it was easy for him to come back and get me caught up. Our first toons leveled to 70 together (he waited for me to jump through the Dark Portal together) and when the time came to start the push to 80, I was running with his second toon.
We both raid, are both officers in our guild, hanging out with the same people but we have different perspectives. He could play until he passed out from starvation and still wonder why; some days I don’t even log on. I’m “Can I just tell you this one thing that happened to me today? Please?!” And then I’m calling him at work to ask him which heirloom pieces I’d need if I wanted to roll a druid. And we can get, uh, a bit testy with each other at times when we’re raiding. All in all, there’s nothing I don’t like about playing together.
I do think it’s easier if both partners are involved in the game; that brings an understanding of the desire to play and makes accepting it easier too. WoW is a big part of our lives right now but I know that if I didn’t play and enjoy the game as much as him, I probably would have killed him by now.
I got my wife playing back when we were dating and she held out as long as she could until one day bam she discovered this form of pixelated crack. ever since then we leveled apart since i was already 62 when she started and when she made it to 70 we started raiding together and have done so ever since. Now we are leveling alts together and experiencing the group aspect of each other more so. I couldnt imagine playing without her (who would make the money in game if she didnt?).
I live with mine, though for a few months I rerolled on another server, another faction, I ended up back on the original server on which we met. Game wasn’t quite the same 🙂 though sometimes yes, it’s nice to have a little break. Ingame and irl
The last three posts: TL;DR
Don’t take it personal, I love your long posts…but just started my first year in college…so very little time for Pike-age 🙁
I’m a sad panda…
But thought I’d leave this post so you would not think I stopped reading…when I get the time, I’ll read! 🙂
I am just glad that instances are done (mostly) with 5 people – means that no matter how many couples I know, I still can get in and play with them without splitting couples up.
Don’t get me wrong, couples that play are great, I know a bunch of them. But as a single one playing with mostly couple friends, it’s real easy to feel left out.
Sadly to say “I have a 80 pally…” and hunter, and rogue, and warrior….and I’m working on more….. But on a positive not I have this lil priest I play with my ex-gf with who lives hundreds of miles away- and though it is bitter it is also sweet and I wouldn’t trade hangin out with one of my best friends I never actually “see” anymore for the world
There was this really cute girl who I was pursuing for 6 months for a date, but she was always too busy for a boyfriend as she played WoW. Eventually she succumbed (just to shut me up) provided I joined her in Azeroth, I tried various classes/races before ending up as a Tauren Hunter, I am now a total addict and *nearly* at 80.
The graph made me smile – she is a level 80 Paladin
My boyfriend and I live together, we are engaged and we are more animal people than babie people, meaning theres just the two of us atm! I dont really remember when or how we got started, but I believe it was him that started this great journey, and that I (Obidiently) followed! He and his gaming buddies (Real life friends most of them) got me hooked, and tought me almost evrything I know!
I wanted a clas that was “me”, and ofc it had to be a hunter^^ Ive had my breaks from time to time, my latest one was on 75! Then i spent 2-3 days, and one morning about 05:00, sobering up, I dinged 80 *Yay* Now Ive been 80 a couple of weeks, and I love it! I have become closer, somehow, to my char than Ive ever been before! I have learned that here is a big RPer inside of me, and you will frequently see me /pat my pets! The macros that /y Feel Our Wrath or /s I have missed you so much! Want a snack? also says alot about us! Its in many ways a relationship, too, not just a quest for glory and power!
My boyfriend has been knocked down with some infection in his lungs for two weeks now, and me constantly ranting on about quests and instnaces and bgs has made him miss WOW alot! He hasnt played in years I think, mostly because evrybody started playing alts on different servers, and just left him behind! Now he wants to start playing again, and I intend on getting him hooked again! With the moving-from-hord-to-alliance and vice versa thing possibly coming up, hell be able to play his hunter alt together with me *Yay*
There is so much to look forward to, and so much to still explore, and I can hardly wait <3
MonicaTheWise aka Kady (Dragonmaw)
Nice if you can find another player, I guess. Around here, if you’re a Guy Gamer, you’re ostracized by the Drunken Sorority Crowd, and if you’re a Girl Gamer, you’re married by 21.
I still need to get my girlfriend to play more but with the help of some mutual friends she does at least play the game.
My ex and I played WoW together for the last year of our ten year relationship — in the end it was the only common ground where the two of us could meet, interact, and have any non-explosive interaction.
My ex had experienced a mental break five years into the relationship. Over the years, she started a slow, downward slide until finally she had become a manic depressive shut-in who only interacted with the rest of the world through WoW. She was in game twenty hours a day; it was the only place she felt safe since the rest of the world had become so dangerous and alien for her.
Eventually I came to realize that I was more of the problem than the solution and it was literally killing both of us for me to stay in the relationship. I made the painful and heart-wrenching decision to leave, abandoning everything material — including my savings account, the house, and all its contents — with the girl and taking everything immaterial — the joint debt and the guilt — with me.
My ex recovered. Forced into the light of day by the necessity of caring for herself again, she found new strength, new drive, new confidence, and, eventually, a new partner. WoW once again became a hobby and not her world.
All of that was over a year ago. My new partner, the love of my life, doesn’t play WoW, but encourages me to continue playing. My ex is thriving in her new life. My hunter is nearing 80. All seems to be right in the world.
Last week, my ex whispered me in game to meet her in Stormwind, where she started transferring over all of her stuff — storage Guilds, mats, gear, scrolls, pots, and toys. All in all, three years worth of solid gaming was passed to me one chunk at a time. Her account is ending in December and she has decided not to renew.
I’ll admit it: I cried. The transfer of pixels meant more to me than if she had tried to give me our house. It was a gesture of respect, generosity, and healing — and the loot was pretty cool, too.
I whispered her and told her I would miss seeing her in game. She laughed, told me she would be back some day once she settles into her new life, waved, and disappeared.
My ex-boyfriend was a gamer, but for some reason there was something about WoW and MMOs in general that he really didn’t care for. His attitude towards me playing WoW ranged from tolerating it to ridiculing it to being condescending and annoyed about it.
One day he suddenly decided to get an account and said he’d try out playing with me. I was excited and tried to do my best to help him along, but he quickly started to do quests without me, played at different times and generally didn’t seem to care at all about actually playing *with* me. Eventually I gave up trying to get our characters on the same page again, he got bored and cancelled his subscription. I think I knew right then that it wouldn’t work out between us, and we broke up a few months later.
My new boyfriend is someone I actually met *through* WoW and it’s wonderful. I don’t think it’s necessary that both parts of a couple play, but they both need to have a good attitude about the game. Having your partner constantly act derisively about something that takes up so much time and everything associated with it (like friends you made through WoW) can really drive a wedge between you.
Aww, I liked the post 🙂 I play WoW with my husband and are in a guild with several irl friends (who were in our wedding almost 11 years ago). I get a good chuckle when the other boys get “wife agro” considering I know most of the wives.
Silly side story on agro. We had a pug in a Naxx 10 raid who suddenly had to leave to pick up some diapers and would be afk for 20 mins (which was not a big deal for us, we kept going). I had typed several comments on alternatives to diapers (just being silly of course): roll the kid up in some paper towels, lay some newspapers on the floor and give the kid a bottle, diaper him up with a dishtowel and two safety pins. A guildie friend said that it sounded like I had done this before and I replied that no, I would just send my husband out to get them. My husband was in the raid on vent with us of course.
Rynnix’s story is one of the best I’ve ever read. Thanks for sharing that.
Very nice post.
I had a large pool of friends that tried for years to get me into EverQuest… and for years I joked and said “I probably shouldn’t play because I’m married… and I’d like to keep it that way.” I have a somewhat addictive personality anyway AND I was also juggling school and a full-time job at the time, so there really was no room for gaming. Aaaaand then I finished school…
By this point, the friends were into WoW (creators of Diablo, which I liked a lot) and suddenly I had some actual time on my hands. So I finally gave in (still very scared of that whole “married” thing) I went and bought the game and gave it a whirl.
About a month after starting, the wife was actually pulled in by watching my hunter romping around in Teldrasil with a large cat for a pet. That was 4 years ago come October. Guilds have come and gone, most of my friends have stopped playing, but the wife and I are still together. And we spent a hunk of last weekend watching the Blizzcon downloads and occasionly using the phrase “love you geek” to each other… good times.
And I loved the “SNAXX” joke. Which makes me think of a nice addition: “What does KT feed his faithful hound?” Why “PUG SNAXX” of course!
omg rofl. pie chart is awesome! i’m gonna take it so i can send it to everyone.
I got my boy addicted to WoW, and I think it made our relationshipt so much better cause you can just chill at home playing wow. Before that guys I’ve dated never understood the WoW thing and it was always a compromise between wow and spending time with them. Now it’s never an issue and we got a great “hobby” in common.
I wish I could find someone who loves WoW as much as I do. It is a big part of my life, and most people who do not have an inkling for gaming just think you are a total nerd. They need a single gamers dating site, lol……………..
My boyfriend doesn’t play. WoW is a regular point of contention, because he just doesn’t understand that there’s no pause button. If I’m doing 25-man Ulduar, I can’t stop and chat on the phone with him. He gets pissed, even though he knows the guilds raiding schedule. Even if its pre-planned and scheduled, it must mean that its more important than him. However, it’s a stress-reliever for me, and I’m not willing to give it up. Silly non-gamer boys.
Long time reader, first time poster.
I started playing within a week of launch. My girlfriend at the time would come over sometimes earlier then planned and would encounter me playing. (I tried not to scare her off early on, and gaming does that to some girls) One day she sat down and watched me play for a good few hours and she seemed quite interested. I went out and bought her a copy for her birthday.
I leveled an alt with her and enjoyed it quite a bit, and discovered what it means to be an altaholic. She discovered what it meant to live in a virtual world.
Burning crusade launched around the same time as her birthday so it made a logical birthday gift that following year.
I occasionally drifted back to and from WoW and other MMO’s loving to roll different character, one of every class, race playstyle. She continued to level up her rogue and started raiding.
Eventually she asked me to play WoW with her again, which I gladly did, as she is the love of my life. I felt burned out trying to keep up with her raid heavy schedule, but it made her happy.
Then she started burning out, as raiders often do. We took a break from all MMO’s, especially since at this point, we were planning our wedding.
After we were married we both started up our accounts just in time for Wrath to hit store shelves, we snatched it up, and have been playing off an on again since. We moved into a new house together, and I placed our computers side by side in the spare bedroom, and I’ve built her a crafting room (she loves to scrapbook) that is adjoined to that.
Now whenever we wanna play together we have the other one right there, and if not, I can still level an alt while she crafts a card, or browse forums or play a video game, while she asks me which item is an upgrade.
World of Warcraft has been a part of my relationship from the beginning, not always an important part but always part of it. I get to enjoy a hobby with my beautiful wife, she gets to know where her husband is at the wee hours of the night, unlike some of my friends who are forever going to sports bars or whatnot.
Hey, i’m sure many wives would rather spend 15 dollars a month on this habit then some of the other things people spend money on.
Anyways, im rambling, sorry. Pike, as always your post great.
May the rest of us some day be as blessed as you (and the Boy) have been!
Heh I met my girlfriend through wow, which when you actually tell someone is incredibly nerdy. I was her GM in a small raiding guild I formed at the beginning of tbc, and with our very silly shared sense of humour we became friends. I ended up meeting her but we kinda fell out of touch when she quit playing the game.
Fast forward to a couple months ago when she calls me out of the blue and tells me she’s on holiday nearby. We met again got drunk and well, things happened.
She’s still got an account but I mostly play it to keep her in epics so if she does want to join me she can jump right in. Tbh we’re totally completely different playstyles. She’s more of a rper and i’m a hardcore raider (beasts25hm down tonight) but if she does log in my guildies don’t mind me dropping out.
What was hilarious was meeting her friends who all knew my character but didn’t realise who I was.
A very interesting blog post. What would you say was the most common problem?